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What’s the right sex toy for you?

Whether you are a first-time teaser or a MASTER-bater this post will hopefully help you find the toy that is right for you. Going to any kind of adult website or store can be overwhelming for anyone… shit even I get overwhelmed when I go to some sites and I have over 300 sex toys myself. I’m going to split this article into a few different sections so hopefully you can keep up!


Let’s start with the women! 


Beginner… First time flicking the bean? You might want to start out a bit easy on that thing. My first toy was your simple, state of the art bullet vibrator. The bullet vibe has evolved VERY MUCH over the last 20 years and the improvements are phenomenal! Back in my day the bullet vibe would have batteries, barely even vibrate and would die after a few minutes if you were lucky. Nowadays they are rechargeable, have multiple vibrations and speeds, and come in a number of lengths. The price can’t be beat! They range in price but the majority fall well under the $20 mark. This is a great toy to introduce yourself into the game. You will find a few links to some bullet vibes below.


Intermediate… Have some experience? Have a few toys at home and want to expand your collection?  My advice for the avid masturbator would be the click sucker… Where has this thing been all my life. I would consider myself a professional and I love these things. They come in so many shapes and styles it is sure to drive anyone crazy figuring out which would be best for you.  This toy can get me soaking wet every single time I use it.  Many of you will recognize your classic “Rose'' sucker, but there are so many more… Imagine being able to feel like you were getting the most intense oral pleasure any time you wanted, anywhere you wanted!  This is a girl’s WET dream come true.  It amazes me how many styles are out there, but I added a few links below for some of my favorites…


Professional… Ready to conquer it all?  Ready to finally cross the bridge and get into the mystery of squirting?  A lot of people say it’s a myth and a lot of people say it's just pee… well what is it?  Some squirt more than others but I can tell you this is not a myth… when done right and with the right tools, you can achieve the flowing rivers and become every man's dream. I will have a whole blog post in the future about squirting and how to achieve it, but in the meantime, I will include here a few tools that will help stimulate the “G Spot” and start getting you in the right direction… Stimulating the G Spot is a very important role in sexual stimulation… The G spot actually doesn’t exist, which is amazing to me, but it’s just a spot that is located inside the vagina that stimulates the base of the clit…  Below I have included a few links to some really good G Spot Stimulators that will sure help to start getting the juices flowing…


On to the Men…


Men are a bit simpler than woman when it comes to sex toys… after all you have two main categories… The dick and the ass. Let’s start with the dick… The sex toy industry is definitely geared in the woman’s favor, but there are some really cool men’s sex toys on the market.  The toys these days will suck you, fuck you, rape you; basically whatever you want to have happen to you these toys will do it for you… 99% of the time the toys are a one size fits all kind of thing, if you are part of the 1% that is hung like a horse and can’t fit in a sex toy, well then you probably don’t need them because you are too busy filming porn videos… I have put a few links below for some great penis stimulation devices.  Check them out, I promise you will be amazed…


Now let’s talk about DAT ASS… a lot of guys are afraid of anal play, until they try anal play and realize they have a prostate and then never want to stop.. There are two ways you can do this. The first and MOST IMPORTANT rule of finding a toy for your ass is MAKE SURE IT HAS A FLARED BASE!! What that means is don’t be shoving a bullet vibrator up your ass because your ass will eat it and maybe you will get it back and maybe you wont get it back and you will end up at the hospital and on one of those tv shows.  Below I will link you to a few beginner anal toys for the men to check out, make sure to go slow and to use lots of lube when playing with the ass…


Let's move on to the couples! Listen you fuckers… If you aren’t incorporating sex toys in your bedroom then don’t get mad when your partner cheats on you… There are so many sex toys out there that can make it feel like you are having sex with multiple partners, enhanced partners, black guys, white women, whatever your cup of tea is, you can make this happen for your partner. I will later make a blog about how to ease toys into the bedroom if you haven’t already and how to have the conversation, but in the meantime I will link you to a few basic bedroom necessities that every couple should have in their bedside drawer!


Bottom line, everyone needs a sex toy or TOYS.  It's 2022 and everyone should have something in their room that can pleasure them… I don’t know how people survive without them.  I guess that is why so many couples argue all the time.  


Always Remember, 

Life Is Great When You Masterbate

- The Moist Mattress

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